A day where I reflected about my future

Going to college is one thing that gives me feelings like riding a roller coaster. It makes me feel excited, scared, thrilled, happy, and sad and much more feelings. It is one thing that I have in mind today. One of these days, I would go to universities or colleges that I really want to see. 

​Since I am now a grade 12 student, I should now be thinking at my future. I should now be thinking of my future (of course my mom is included in my future) It is only now that reality strike me. I am now more open minded with the world. I think a lot more than I talk. Now, I believe that I should be critical in whatever I do.

​Committing mistakes is one thing that I am afraid of. One thing that is marked on my mind is that society is scary. Whatever we make or do everyone will judge us. Nobody can please everyone. 

I believe that I am not born to please everyone; I know that in this world. I cannot please everyone no matter how hard I try, what matters to me is that I am happy. I want to be happy and at the same time not hurting anyone or stepping other people’s happiness. I want to help others and still shoe concern and affection to them but if they don’t need my help well then, at least I tried reaching my hand to them.

Ever since I turned 18, I started signing papers, accepting stuffs, try to be independent in a way and a lot more that I have not done yet before. It’s something that scared me because I am used to depend always on my mom to do things like that for me. Even the simple act of ordering food in a restaurant. But now I am starting to practice myself on doing this stuff. My mom wants me to be someone who can stand alone and at the same time never forgets his or her parents.

Ever since I was a kid I have always wanted to be a Doctor. First a pediatrician, second a dermatologist then a surgeon and now I am again thinking on what would be my specialization once I enter med school after my Bachelor’s degree. But for now, I know that whatever I would take in college would be something in lined with medicine. Since any med course would be a key to enter a med school and finally my Dad’s sisters encouraging me to take nursing. Nursing is in demand abroad if I wanted to work abroad.

Lately, I feel so pressured and excited. Going to college scares me. Since I want to help my family, I am trying to get a scholarship in De La Salle Health and Sciences Institute. Looking at the requirements needed to be a scholar gave me a lot of pressure. There is one scholarship that requires a GWA of 95 which is something that I cannot be consistent with. This requirement makes me feel sad. Good thing is that there are a lot more scholarships that I can acquire. There is one called Financial Scholarship where the requirement is easier. One must have grades not lower than 85 and a GWA not less than 87 which is something that I can work or manage.

Hopefully I can get a scholarship. It is really a big help for me and for my mom (of course) GOD IS GOOD!!! I know that with this I am bound to focus a lot more in academics. Going out with friends or other stuff can wait what matters to me most is finishing college with a good record and a scholarship. If lucky enough being a Summa Cum Laude would be great. (Just like my cousins in Quezon City) For this would be a good opportunity for me to have great jobs.

I know that my mom would not let me be alone in this journey. I know that she would always be there for me, to guide and support me all the way. She only wants me to be a successful in life with God’s grace always. For now there are a lot of things that my mom does not allow me to have or do but I know that this also for my sake.

I have always dreamt to go abroad with my mom. Buy everything that we both want, have our dream house, be with the rest of our family and live longer. This is my own goal that I would do. My happiness includes my mom, our family and my friends. They are the people that matters most to me.

Once I have my own money, I will use it wisely. I will only buy the things that I need and the ones I want I will buy them sparingly. For in life I want to save up for my future. I want to have my own money enough to support myself; my mom and our family. I do not want to be a burden to anybody or anyone. As of now, I am trying my best to have good grades. But, at the same time I am aiming to have a good and high grade. I eat regularly with my friends. We would go to karaoke often usually at Fridays like today. We would just sing our heart out until; we feel that we are okay and contented.

My friends are composed of my classmates, ex-classmates, online friends and some from our family friends. I am not really picky when it comes to friends. (Just like what my mom says “mana ka sa papa mo” I am sure that they are good friends to me front and at my back. I still believe on the goodness of each and every one. I avoid judging other people because I know the feeling of being judged. I also know the feeling of being bullied, being an outcast and unlike. So if I am faced in a situation where I put other people in feeling left out or such I immediately say sorry. Most of the time I avoid doing this things because I know it is wrong.. I was raised by my parents properly and they always tell me to be good t everyone even if they do bad things to me.

Hopefully as I grow older, I remain to be an optimistic person. I want to be someone who has a light aura. I want to be someone who is not being avoided instead likes by everyone. Although I know it is impossible, at least I tried to make an effort in befriending them.

Based on my observations on my older friends, when they were on high school they were as vibrant as I am. But as they grow older finished their college and go to work, they tend to be stressed always. The positive vibes coming from them slowly fades as time passes by. Most of my friends older than me are always busy. We only get to meet at our birthdays or special events. It is also a lot harder to contact them now since they are very busy. But once we meet again all the times that we were not together feels like nothing. Our friendship makes stronger than the time and distance.

My best friend is Kassandra Marie Angeles whom I meet on my 4th grade. We only recognized that we are best friend when we were around grade 10-11. Since it is the time when she and I would part ways. In grade 11. She transferred to DLSU. She is an ABM student and I am a STEM. Although we are on different tracks, I am happy because we both make efforts to be together. This made our bonding and relationship stronger. It is true then that distance makes our friendship last and stronger. I also believe that if a person is special to me I would make ways to be with her. With my best friend, she made realized that. It is nice to have friends. Opening up to other people is not a bad thing. You just have to pick the person you would trust to open up. She made me also friendlier. Just like my mom she is always there for me when I need help. She sometimes guides me to give advices. I am very happy to have her as m bestfriend.I would not put our friendship into waste. She makes me happy and contented as well. I hope that were really friends until we reach our goals in life.

In life, I usually reflect about my intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships with myself and other people. I think deeply on how to improve myself so that I can be better (Just like my parents says, “make yourself a better one, not for anybody else but for yourself”) Usually before I sleep, I think of things that I’ve done. Right or wrong I think of them again and how I should have reacted or acted upon the situation. Would it be better or would it be worse if I did the tings oppositely to what I did originally? There are  a lot of things that I regret and would want to change but I know that all these things happened to me has reasons why it happened? For me, if there is destiny then why are there things that are unexplainable. Why are there things like natural disasters, birth, death and other things that us humans can’t control. The life that we have is only a gift to us from GOD.